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THE NUTELL
Who invented the Nutell ? Once
upon a time, many, many, many, ma'na cifra of many years ago, at the
beginning of the initiation of the mond, there was the caos. One day, God (God
is the nome d'art of Dio), God, who was disoccupated,
had a folgorant idea and so God created the Nutell. And God
saw that the Nutell was good, very good, very very good, good 'na cifra.
The mangiation of God was long, He manged one million of barattols of Nutell
sfrutting the fact that God has not a Mamm that strills if you sbaff too
much Nutell...And after this mangiation, God invented the Water Closed Run,
the cors in the cabinet, and some Nutell's derivates like the red bubbons,
the panz, the cellulit and ceter, and ceter. After di which (dopodiche') he
invented Adamo ed Eva and all the paradise and he diss to Adamo and Eva: "Now
you have all the Paradise, you can do everything, very tutt: you have the
permission to eat, to drink, to kiss, to scop; nothing lavor, nothing affit,
nothing concors of impiegats, nothing cod alla post,
nothing IRPEF, ILOR. Only very ozious life: television, telenovels,
football, moviols, process of Monday, appell of Tuesday, cassazion of
Wednesday, and ceter, and ceter. You have gratis restaurants, cinemas,
theaters, all the Paradise is yours: air-conditioned, autom riscaldament,
moquette, parquett, tresset, bidet, omelette, eccet, eccet....
"There's just one thing, remember, in tutt the Paradise just
one thing absolutely prohibited. Come, come to me in the giardin: this is
"the Nocciol", the alber of the Nutell. Only this alber of the Nutell is
prohibited, because I like the Nutell very much, very very much, much 'na
cifra and I want all the Nutell, tutt the Nutell for me." During the prim
temps, Adamo and Eva were very happy. Adamo said:"What a cool! ('Cool' is
not in Italian 'freddo', no, 'What a cool' means 'Che cul') All the
Paradise is nostr!" And everyday, ognigiorn, they discovered something new.
A lot of scoperts, many scoperts, many many scoperts, 'na cifra di scoperts.
One day the scopert of the hot water, one day the scopert of the spaghettis,
one day the cigarettes, and ceter, and ceter. But one
day, a trist day, a very very trist day, trist 'na cifra,
Adamo and Eva fecer the scopert of the first colazion. And
after the scopert of the
cappuccin, the scopert of the aranch succ, the scopert of the cornetts,
they understood that something was mancant. "Eva!" said Adamo "Don't you
think that qualcos is mancant here, proprio here, 'ncopp this fett?" "Second
me" Eva risposed "'ncopp the fett you have to metter burr
and marmelade." "No, no Eva, you know
that the marmelade schif myself. I want 'ncopp this fett something very
particular, very very particular, particular 'na cifra. What do you think
about the Nutell?" "No, Adamo you are scording that the Signor said that's
vietat!". "Yes, remember, but only a little
assaggiation, don't succed nothing!" And Adamo sces in the cortil where the
alber of the Nutell was and he pres a small barattol and spalmed the brown
cream on the fett and assagged the Nutell. Adamo and
Eva don't ebber the time to exprimer the godiment that the tuons and
fulmins apparved in the ciel and one voice said:"Potevamo stupirv you with
special effects, but I'm God, not Fantagod! Adamo, Eva, come here! I'm very
incazz with you, very very incazz, incazz 'na cifra! How did you permit to
tocc the Nutell? Didn't you remember that it was prohibited?" "Cazz!"
esclamed Adamo "It was prohibited! Oh, sorry, God, I'm very very sorry,
sorry 'na cifra, God, I really really was completely scordat..."
RICCARDO CASSINI
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